I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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