is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
