when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
