high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
