how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
