He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
