dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
