Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize