So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
