maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
