Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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