So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
