I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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