Yo dont text me then not text me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
