Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
