why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
