we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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