I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
