Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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