So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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