How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
