How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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