oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
