Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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