i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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