I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
