so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
