you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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