I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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