All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
