I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
