How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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