Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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