i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
