Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
