I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
