I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
