I met the friendliest cop last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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