You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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