the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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