Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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