Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
