well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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