why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
