I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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