I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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