Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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