Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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