i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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