shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
