Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
