is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
