I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
3 2 1 whiskey
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
