his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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