ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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