I'm going to jail i love you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
