You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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