I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
