so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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