U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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