Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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