I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
