girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
