i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
