There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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