We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
