you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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