just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
