I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
