New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it because I queefed?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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