He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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