dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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