Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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