can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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